I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
