In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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