CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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