Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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