So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize