yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
barbara walters just said penis...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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