Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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