I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
