there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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