Only a mothe r could love this liver
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
