My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize