When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
