dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
