Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
