I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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