So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
