That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Hippo gnu deer
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
