I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
i am craving dick and cupcakes
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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