Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
