I want to make a zoo with you.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i will never coherently bang her
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
