He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
