bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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