dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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