you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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