She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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