I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
