there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
honey bunches of taint.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
