Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Dicks are not precious.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
