so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
