She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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