I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
