You're my little dorito
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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