Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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