CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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