so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize