Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Randomize
