I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
