just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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