i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
