My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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