I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
