Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
