So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
