He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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