Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
birth control should be required to get into college
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
