I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
