Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
