I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
