She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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