I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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