I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize