Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
