and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
