The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
