His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
