y did u give ur computer a hand job?
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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