I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
