Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
