I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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