birth control should be required to get into college
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
