people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize