I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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