hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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