After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
