You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize