so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
