Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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