So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
