It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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